i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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