sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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