I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
