I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
