just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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