I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
