I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
