Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
