My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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