dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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