I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
