the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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