my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
