Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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