Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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