When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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