before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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