You smell like stripper and shame
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize