Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i think my cat just said my name.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
