Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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