My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
