I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
