he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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