What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize