Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
