He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
