u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
