She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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