I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
