Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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