My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
