Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
