that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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