I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
