why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
