I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
