So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize