So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
