Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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