I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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