To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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