Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
