Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
