It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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