She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
