Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
