Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
