News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
