How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
