I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
