WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
