i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
