Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
