So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
