BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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