This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
