i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize