Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
