you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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