My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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