I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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