nut hugger
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
