Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
