through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
