maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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