I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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