Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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